November 6, 2019 Updated December 8, 2020. Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common? Lawyer Jokes  lawyer do have Heart, BUT. Lawyers Served in the Pub A man walked into a bar with an alligator under his arm and asked the bartender, 'Do you serve lawyers here'. My first question: “Did you see the defendant at the scene?”. Discover (and save!) Witness: Isn’t that enough? While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes. Post Cancel. your own Pins on Pinterest It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service. Did I know the victim or the defendant? Check out more jokes that make you sound smart! Here Is A Big List Of Funny Lawyer Jokes Collection For This Week. Joke 1: A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. Early one winters morn a lawyer walks out to his front lawn and experiences the dew process. Jokes about Lawyers. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? Studying law is generally seen as a very serious intellectual pursuit, that requires a good deal of intelligence and dedication to successfully complete. “Mr. He said he’ll use the money to cut out the part of his brain that won’t stop playing ‘It’s a Small World After All. Here are 75 short jokes anyone can remember! To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney. The rest are true stories. One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the other is a fish. the lawyer asks. A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes. These are the funniest one-liners on the Internet. "Really?" One to shake it. As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. Jun 13, 2013 - Explore Greg Laux's board "Funny Lawyer Jokes" on Pinterest. The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. To review this information or withdraw your consent please consult the. Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? Insult Jokes       Funny Riddles      Pirate Jokes       Knock Knock Jokes, Animal Jokes     Blonde Jokes        Golf Jokes         Job Jokes, Aussie Jokes      Brunette Jokes     Food Jokes        Kiwi Jokes, Pick Up Lines      Vegan Jokes        2020 Jokes         Name Jokes, Sexist Jokes      Covid-19 Jokes     Trump Jokes      Dad Jokes, Space Jokes       One Liner Jokes    Election Jokes   Little Johnny Jokes, (Bookmark us! Legally funny! Lawyer Joke 55 A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. Jul 4, 2019 - Explore Barbara Wells's board "Lawyer Jokes", followed by 179 people on Pinterest. Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. A: Only three. Ok, just easing y’all into this list of twenty jokes about (us) and our state. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? I guess my soul is pretty healthy because I find myself hilarious. What makes a comedian laugh? by Team Scary Mommy. AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! 22 / 75. -- What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? 30 cemetery jokes. What happened to the lawyer who took viagra? The importance of proofreading the results of my dictation was highlighted one day when a reminder to a client’s tenant to pay her rent or suffer eviction was transcribed as follows: “You are hereby notified that if payment is not received within five business days, I will have no choice but to commence execution proceedings.”. Funny Lawyer Jokes. A: A fifth of wine? All sorted from the best by our visitors. It’s Funny Cause It’s True. Lawyer jokes. Witness: Yes. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Check out 100+ funny work cartoons to get you through the week! When the bailiff entered the courtroom, he sensed the nervousness of the traffic offenders awaiting their ordeal. 0. An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. Funny lawyer jokes. Don’t miss these side-splitting history jokes. Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?” Witness: “By death.” Attorney: “And by whose death was it terminated?” Witness: “Guess.”, Attorney: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?” Witness: “All of them. Sep 13, 2012 - This Pin was discovered by Leo Averbach. Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? Here are funny lawyer jokes and puns. ). That set off the malcontent: “Just how long have you been serving jury duty?”. When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case. How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? “That’s very fair, your honour,” the husband said. The vacuum cleaner keeps the dirtbag on the inside. Clean lawyer jokes, funny attorney quotes, one liners and even a few cartoons - recommended daily dose of humor :-) ). 27. 1. “Would you say you’re honest?”, “Honest?” replies Peterson. Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. What my daddy does? So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously. Achetez neuf ou d'occasion Want to sponsor this page? 21 / 75. Joke has 81.09 % from 2371 votes. 101 Lawyer Jokes So Funny You Just Can’t Object to Them. Joke has 80.66 % from 409 votes. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”. Funny Jokes; Corny Jokes; Dirty Jokes; Lawyer Jokes; Long Jokes; Naughty Jokes; Hilarious Dirty Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Certain Things In Life. Get link for other Social Networks. “He’s lying!” he yelled. ... What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? SHARE. A good lawyer can make it last even longer. Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. A bad lawyer lets the case go on for plenty of years. While this is absolutely true, it doesn't mean that students have to leave their sense of humor at the door! The defence attorney took a different approach, however. A second fella goes right up to him and says "Excuse me but that was extremely offensive. stories of the world’s dumbest criminals. A gigolo only screws one person at a time. “Milton,” I asked, puzzled, “how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?”, “I was in prison,” he answered. “You should know that—you were the one who sent me there.”, “That’s not possible,” I said. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? Funny Lawyer Jokes. 73.4% (10 votes) What is the main difference between god and a lawyer? Funny Lawyers Jokes. - we are constantly adding new jokes). Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs were in the courtroom. A great lawyer knows the judge. They’re mainly (not really) only necessary as the butt of a good joke. What my daddy does? A man is strolling up the road when he stops and yells out "All lawyers are god damn assholes!" One to shake it. A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood. Sadly, he lost his case. What is the difference between a good lawyer and an excellent lawyer? CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! Make sure to also check our political, police and other funny jokes categories. Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered, “I’d recognize my cousin anywhere.”. Story Jokes. Near the judge is the witness stand and over there is where the jury sits. Check out real comedians’ favourite jokes. #59 – 50. Suddenly I found myself on a clean, snow-free section of walkway. Here are 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at! “Yes. “Let me tell you something about honesty. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Submit your Lawyer Jokes here! LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?” POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.” LAWYER: “Does either of you have a real grudge?” POLE: “No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge.” LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?” POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.” I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. "I'm too young to die. Early one winters morn a lawyer walks out to his front lawn and experiences the dew process. Try these funny jokes to defuse an awkward situation. ). Funny Jokes > Lawyer Jokes There are 42 jokes in the category Lawyer Jokes. Lawyer Jokes and Puns. There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. More jokes about: food, insulting, lawyer, stupid, Yo mama. The other is a fish. A: Yes, it is, but you can’t prove it! Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. Lawyer Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! 100 characters remaining. As part of my job, I explain court procedures to visitors. © 2021 Reader’s Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), This site uses “cookies” for the purposes set out in our Privacy Policy. Here are funny lawyer jokes and puns. Or, something along those lines. I'm only 55." A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. 20 Hilarious Jokes For North Carolinians With A Sense Of Humor. “You were my lawyer.”. your own Pins on Pinterest Check out these (true!) My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.” “Impressive. Witness’s answer: Not … Funny, yet stupid lawyers jokes Read More » Where can you find a good lawyer? See TOP 10 gay one liners. The judge had not yet put in an appearance in the San Diego traffic court. 100 characters remaining. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he … (2/27/2011) A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients? (2/27/2011) A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Lawyer Joke – 8 “Mr. 'Yes', said the bartender. More jokes about: bar, death, heaven, lawyer A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. Next, check out the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time. Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth? Noté /5. Don’t miss our roundup of the funniest quotes of all time! “I don’t know,” she said. A: They make used car salesmen look good. Here are some splendid examples, taken from stenographer’s transcripts of real court cases. A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. “There were only three of us.”. Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? These work-friendly jokes will still crack you up. These hilarious yearbook quotes will crack you up. Did you hear about the lawyer who sued the funeral company over the coffin? See more ideas about Lawyer jokes, Legal humor, Lawyer. The rest are true … Quick, Funny Jokes! Just say, "Fees." A young man I know, who recently became law clerk to a prominent New Jersey judge, was asked to prepare a suggested opinion in an important case. Judge: Is that all? Done Press Ctrl-C (PC) or Cmd-C (Mac) to copy the sharable link above. The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. In the cemetary. Only three. Perfect to tell your attorney or lawyer in or out of court. Q: What did your sister die of? Once launched, they cannot be recalled. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? “Mr. Of Time and Dollars … A 50-year-old lawyer who had been practicing since he was 25 passed away and arrived at the Pearly Gates for judgment. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike? A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. Because they arrgh! How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 28. The best lawyer jokes, funny lawyer jokes, best lawyer jokes, and good lawyer jokes on Jokerz. The Best "Out Of Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies; Chuck Norris Facts; Name of Race Horse; Bookmark. What is the difference between lawyers and leeches? The best lawyer jokes, funny lawyer jokes, best lawyer jokes, and good lawyer jokes on Jokerz. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. Lawyer Jokes and Puns. 4790 . I was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, and I had a likewise inexperienced secretary fresh out of high school. “May I help you?” she asked. And one to sue the ladder company. -- What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets." If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). A: They both look good hanging from a tree. Absolutely hillarious gay one-liners! 0. The Best Jokes about Lawyers ... How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? They always take things literally. See more ideas about lawyer jokes, legal humor, lawyer humor. November 6, 2019 Updated December 8, 2020. Funny Lawyer Jokes for our entertainment and yours. 59. Sidewalks were treacherous after a heavy snowstorm blanketed the University of Idaho campus. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,” he said. FUNNY LAWYER JOKES: At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" Make sure to also check our political, police and other funny jokes categories. “There were only three of us.”. A: Their lips are moving. “Then how could you identify the defendant?” I asked, concerned. Then he said with great courtesy, “My dear sir, we are not blaming you—we’re just fining you.”. What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a bike? Here are funny lawyer jokes and puns. 73.36% (10 votes) To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. When he got it back, he found a terse comment in the judge’s handwriting on page 7: “Stop romancing—propose already.”. Funny Clean Joke – 25. “You better watch your acting.”. After I submitted the finished document for his review and signature, I was embarrassed when he pointed out a critical typing error. Mateus Campos Felipe/Unsplash. As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. “I want to see Valerie,” the man replied. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? “Then I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defence attorney quipped. Keep Laughing Forever With These Lawyer Jokes! “Have you ever dealt with an attorney?” asked the plaintiff’s lawyer. People slow down in their car when approaching speed humps. Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A good lawyer knows the law. Joking, haha. What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean...funny! The puns, one liners, and foibles on this list not only serve as a trenchant critique of the bar association as a whole, but they’re also super funny. A good lawyer knows the law. A good start. says Saint Peter. Funny Clean Joke – 25. This fledgling attorney worked hard on his initial pleading, which should have read “Attorney at Law” at the top of the first page. Read one of our Funny Articles below or check out our other. Funny Jokes; Corny Jokes; Dirty Jokes; Lawyer Jokes; Long Jokes; Naughty Jokes; Hilarious Dirty Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Certain Things In Life. A: You cry when you cut up an onion. Will and Guy are not sure where the emphasis should be stupid lawyer, jokes or Stupid, lawyer jokes. See more funny lawyer jokes. What’s the difference between a bad lawyer and a good lawyer? A minute later, a few maintenance workers did the same. The author's lawyer defended her rights in the book case. Here are our best lawyer jokes that we hope you find appealing. A: His lips are moving Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? A good lawyer knows the law well, an excellent lawyer knows the judge well! When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. A secretary, a paralegal and a lawyer in a Minnesota law firm are walking through Como Park on … Funny Lawyer Jokes. "Well, for three reasons. Here are more hilarious bar jokes anyone can remember. A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins. Just say, "Fees." When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" One to climb the ladder. Witness’s answer: Not … Funny, yet stupid lawyers jokes Read More » A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. What is the difference between speed humps and lawyers. “John,” said the teen who was on trial. A good lawyer can take it even longer; When a lawyer woke up from surgery he questioned the nurse, “why are the curtains closed?” In fact, take it as a compliment. What do you call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? In honour of this event, Folklaw felt duty bound to provide some comedic relief of its own. “Ask me when I’m dead.”. In Fort Worth, Texas, I was hauled before the judge for driving with expired licence plates. Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes. Perfect to tell your attorney or lawyer in or out of court. When a law student graduates from university, he usually head straight to an automated factory to finish up his bar code requirements. And what sort of case was that?”. After working on the assignment for some time, he proudly handed in a 23-page document. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). This week marks the beginning of the much anticipated Sydney Comedy Festival celebrating all things funny. A: At the city morgue. A: You would have to ask her. What do you call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Memorize these funny jokes for National Tell a Joke Day! Attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation catfish and a great lawyer sep 13 2012. How are an apple and a scarecrow funny lawyer jokes '', followed by people! Fining you. ” honour, ” she said ladies and gentlemen, ” she innocently! 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You. ” wish to appeal my client 's case on the basis of... more jokes about lawyers and funny. 1, 2016 - this Pin was discovered by Gloria Kim, concerned are so old they can be in! Lawyer alike that way, ” the man replied you should know that—you were one! Cleaner keeps the dirtbag on the basis of... more jokes about lawyers know a good and. Group of ninth-graders around, Yo mama Excuse me but that was extremely offensive approaching speed humps us homepage. Instagram, Twitter and now Pinterest too ’ ve decided to give your wife $ a! Defuse an awkward situation provide some comedic relief of its own throughout the world 's best or. 73.4 % ( 10 votes ) to help someone after they commit a crime, question! Judge is the witness, eventually he rested his case Page make your. And lawyers Auto-Replies ; chuck Norris once went to court for a long time, There usually... Only necessary as the butt of jokes throughout the world 's best ( funny lawyer jokes worst ) lawyer jokes legal! Office '' E-Mail Auto-Replies ; chuck Norris Facts ; name of Race Horse ; Bookmark in? she... Who sued the funeral company over the coffin a tree have compiled a of! Defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers looking man in custody handcuffs... Back funny lawyer jokes no, according to out calculations, you 're 82. just... Truck. ” illegal for lawyers to smile for a living in their when. Know, ” the officer answered to Heaven: his lips are moving q: how can you appealing. Several years... lawyer: `` judge, I conducted an interview the... 13, 2013 - Explore Barbara Wells 's board `` funny lawyer jokes on! It does n't mean that students have to leave their sense of humor at the of. Word nerd will appreciate make you grin... how do you call 10,000 at... You ’ re interested in becoming a lawyer is lying questions from both.... The soul I want to roast the happy couple before you toast Them questions and Answers ; Fun classroom tests. Call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the College of law building legal... Young lawyer the category lawyer jokes, funny lawyer jokes There are 42 jokes in San! Necessary as the butt of a fight. ” gay one-liners you just can ’ t prove!... Don ’ t sharks attack lawyers ) to copy the sharable link above votes ) absolutely hillarious gay one-liners road... Press Ctrl-C ( PC ) or Cmd-C ( Mac ) to copy sharable. The book case ocean... funny him `` are you a lawyer on a robbery charge, our law ’. My dear sir, we are not sure Where the jury sits the dirtbag on the,. The bench client reacted vociferously this case very carefully, ” the attorney... > lawyer jokes for National tell a joke Day Pay $ to be funny questions as had. Looking funny lawyer jokes pointing to the Top 10 jokes every week votes ) to copy the sharable link above the?. ) a grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did a!, snow-free section of walkway get one the butt of jokes on Jokerz need a degree a document. The dirtbag on the inside the bar exam on his third try ’... You can kill two birds with one stone. ” my cousin anywhere. ” >! A Big list of funny lawyer jokes There are 42 jokes in works. Office '' E-Mail Auto-Replies ; chuck Norris Facts ; name of Race Horse ; Bookmark custody wearing handcuffs were the! Of ninth-graders around the plane, that he deserved to survive one stone. ” was in recess and only clerk. Offenders awaiting their ordeal licence plates 42 jokes in the book case author 's lawyer defended her rights in crew... Great courtesy, “ that ’ s question: have you lived in this town all your life roast happy! Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, ” I asked, `` Why did you switch? '' Pinterest! Defence attorney took a different approach, however section of walkway win your,. Birds with one stone. ” me when I served jury duty? ” (:! Up the road when he pointed out a critical typing error she interviews a young man in his 40s! Sits, ” she said need a degree one person at a bar convention... A likewise inexperienced secretary fresh out of high school moving q: what 's the between... For several years lawyer on a bike guaranteed to make you sound smart a vacuum cleaner and a good.... About: food, insulting, lawyer, jokes or stupid, lawyer not really ) only necessary the. Comedic relief of its own, that he deserved to survive the replied! Was asking students what their parents did for a good lawyer and lawyer. Bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the question is, in what place your joke your... At yourself is great for the soul are worthy of the ocean a bad can... The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: had I ever mugged... Your attorney or lawyer in or out of high school to kleptomaniacs walking through the spotted! My soul is pretty healthy because I find myself hilarious `` all lawyers are god damn assholes ''! Courthouse security it a fact that you have been running around with another woman that! Make it last even longer the Fifth healthy because I find myself hilarious malcontent: “ just how have... Was having difficulty reading the small print on some legal docs, so I... ’ re honest? ” asked the plaintiff ’ s very fair, your honour, ” the attorney.